What NOT to do if your child has ADHD

What Not to Do If Your Child Has ADHD

When kids with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) become frustrated, struggle with school, fail to complete tasks, or meltdown, their parents become stressed and feel defeated as well. It can be difficult to know which direction to turn, and what to do to better manage your child’s ADHD symptoms. Sometimes, the best answer is to not do certain things. I hope the list below of actions to avoid will help you and your family have better days and nights.

Don’t Avoid the Term “ADHD”

Your child has a condition that affects her every day, just as a learning disability or physical disability would. By putting a name to the disorder and using the term “ADHD,” parents help their children Avoiding the term makes the child feel more like she has something wrong with her, which adds to the stigma associated with ADHD. Dr. Robert Olivardia, a psychologist who treats ADHD and is a clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, cautions parents that “if you do not explain to them what ADHD is, someone else will.” Don’t ignore the ADHD or avoid talking about it; educate your child and help her to understand what ADHD is and how you will help her to manage living with it. Using the term gives your child some power over it. Recognize that their challenges and frustration are rooted in their disorder and are not their fault.

Don’t Focus on the Negative

A child with ADHD will hear enough “no,” “don’t,” and “can’t” for a lifetime. Don’t add to the negativity by making a lengthy list of don’ts for your home. Instead, work with your child to set goals for positive behavior. Then, track their progress in a place that’s easy for them to see—such as a chart that’s kept on the refrigerator. By giving them this positive focus, you can reinforce the good behaviors that will help them be successful at school and at home. 

And please replace "Don' Allow Certain Items in Your Child's Bedroom" with the following:

Don’t Allow Tech in Your Child’s Bedroom

Most kids these days are regularly glued to some form of technology—be it a smartphone, tablet, computer, or gaming system. Unfortunately, all that digital exposure can take its toll. The reality is today’s kids are overexposed to all those devices and glowing screens, and that overexposure can contribute to attention deficit issues. My advice is to keep them out of the bedroom. That’s a new rule we’ve implemented with my son, who was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and we’ve seen great results. He’s able to get calm and go into “bedtime” mode much more quickly at night and his overall quality of sleep has actually improved.

Don’t Fall Into the Trap of Implementing Diets That Eliminate Lots of Foods

Some parents of kids with ADHD may attempt to treat it with a special diet. Research does not support these radical diets, which completely cut out processed foods, food additives, fruits, and vegetables. There also is no research supporting the idea that diets eliminating aspartame, an artificial sweetener, or yeasts are effective in helping treat ADHD. Experts contend the best diet for a child with ADHD is the same as one for a child without ADHD: a diet that includes fruits, vegetables, and whole grains and avoids saturated fats and trans fats. It’s also important to limit carbohydrates that are digested quickly, such as those in processed and fast foods. And of course, all children need exercise and should maintain a healthy weight.

Don’t Make a Meltdown Worse By Responding When You are Angry

Handling an ADHD child’s meltdown is one of the toughest challenges a parent faces. Do not exacerbate a situation by responding to a meltdown or handing out unrealistic, inappropriate consequences for misbehavior when you are angry yourself. Parents should employ a time-out for their child to calm down and take time to calm down themselves before reacting inappropriately. It is better to collect yourself, get composed, and think clearly before responding, so that you are sure to react in a more accurate and appropriate way.

Don’t Try to Handle Everything On Your Own

One of the biggest mistakes parents of kids with make is trying to do it all. There are groups and professionals who can help you get more information and support so that you are better equipped for life with a child with ADHD. You especially should seek professional help if you are feeling depressed, frustrated, or exhausted. It also is important for all parents and caregivers, including grandparents, relatives, and babysitters, to work together to support the child. When everyone agrees on a behavior plan, routine, rewards, etc., it is much easier to handle your child’s behaviors and symptoms.

Of course, you’ll need to do what works best for your family situation and your child. But, by avoiding certain actions, you are taking the first step toward helping your child, your family, and yourself cope with ADHD in a more positive, healthy manner.

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Vee Cecil keeps busy by being a wellness coach, personal trainer and bootcamp instructor in Kentucky. She also recently launched a blog where she shares her passion for health by writing about her favorite tips, activities and recipes.

**PHOTO CREDIT: Image via Flickr by chefranden**

Advice for Parents of an ADHD Child

School is starting again and some of us have more concerns than just shopping for school supplies. Some of us don't know if it will be a good year or a hard year for our ADHD child. Here are some tips to help you get through another school year. 

• It's okay to be mad but it's not okay to be bad.

• To say out loud: patience, patience, patience before one starts to yell. Then whisper your request to the child with ADHD
• Always be their advocate and help them push forward in times of need, to know that it is okay to cry and to be understanding even when I don't understand... the best advice I got from a counselor, well I haven't gotten it yet, because unless you have an ADHD or behavior child then you can't truly understand.
• Try putting yourself in your child's position, think how they feel in situations that are hard for them to understand and comprehend. Frustration is the big problem when people don't listen or they can't put into words exactly how they feel
• Use to do lists and calendars to remind you of all appointments, activities, things to pick up, projects due for school and work..phones are great tools/devices for both adults and teens with ADHD...they can use the alarms, notes, calendars, as reminders for everything....helps to reduce the stress knowing everything is written down....sticker system for to do lists are also great for younger children when they do things like brush their teeth, make their bed, get dressed, make lunch, they get a sticker for each thing accomplished and perhaps a reward at the end of the week the more stickers etc
• Keep the structure and routine the same so they don't get confused about what is going on and don't get off track as easily and to just encourage them to try the hardest at everything they do
• Trust your gut, it's your child no one else's.
• To inform yourself so you can help your child cope and understand as they get old enough to. I 100% believe that once I understood exactly what ADHD does to my son and how he feels when its fairing, I lost the urge to fuss and became more understanding and honestly closer to him. I found ways to deal with things.
• Pick and choose your battles. Not everything is such a big deal.
• If you're going to "battle" don't give in.
• ADHD adults and children need lots of down time to unwind after a school/work day....time to relax and do what they want to relax...this is my experience...don't over task or over schedule ADHD children with too many activities....too stressful for all....just one physical activity or sport is important for them.
• Talk about ADHD openly with your children....the symptoms and challenges, and how medication may help them when working and when they wear off at end of day (if they take medication)....so they better understand themselves and how they are different than other non-ADHD children or how they face different challenges than others which is perfectly fine but I find if you don't talk about it openly with your children, they may be ashamed of it and do not understand sometimes why they feel a certain way....
• Here are a list of his diagnoses. Now put them on a shelf and forget about them because those are just words, they DO NOT identify or make up who your child is!
• It is okay to be different and its okay to be frustrated from time to time. When I get frustrated I give myself a little time out to gather my thoughts so I can better handle whatever situation it may be. Sometimes both parent and child need a time out alone to calm down and be able to think clearly.
• Children will teach you more than you could teach them.
• Listen to your instincts. You know your baby/child better than anyone.
• Talk to them and remind them that this is all a process and that the medications will help, but the medicine won't do everything, They need to learn to cope and control with the medications help......the older they get, the more they learn about themselves and are able to control the meltdowns.
• Routine and structure; kids thrive with it.
• Give the child plenty of notice if the routine is going to change.
• Eliminate food dyes.
• Always focus more on the positive and less on the negative. Children learn by your example, not by your advice.
• To find a support group so you don't feel so alone and isolated and bounce ideas off one another. 
• It's a tough world we live in with lots of people judging our parenting or other kids bullying ours. It's OK to crumble but take time for you and rebuild your strength to continue coping and supporting your ADHD child.
• Find your child's passion, let go of the small stuff and enjoy having a specially gifted child!
• Don't let the negative attitude of others tear you down.
• Be positive, love and encourage them! Everyone is always telling them what they are doing wrong. Not enough praise of what they do right. My kids set goals for themselves and then try to achieve them. I encourage them to do the best they can. And that is all anyone can ask.
• Never compare your child to other children, love your child for who they are by looking for the positives, take time to know your child...talk read play together, never underestimate what they are capable of and give them opportunities to succeed at, never talk about your child in front of them unless its praise.
• To look for the whys of the diagnosis.
• start again tomorrow after a good nights sleep.
• Start fresh each day.
• catch them being good... and praise all the little things.
• ADHD is a chemical imbalance of the brain, a neurological brain disorder that is not your fault.
• You are their safe place so know that you will get the worst of it but you will also get to see the best.

You are not alone.

Moms do not let yourself wear out, take time for yourself, pamper yourself. Remember you cannot feel someone else's cup if yours is empty!

(Thank you for all the moms at our support groups)



(Please note Our ADHD Story shares opinions and thoughts from others which are solely the thoughts of the author and do not necessarily represent my own.)

ADHD Parents Don't Want to Hear...

"I would never medicate my kid"

Never say never, you don't know until you are there. When your kid doesn't understand why he just did that and feels bad because he has impulse control issues. When no punishment matters because they can't control themselves, then they give up on themselves because they fail time and time again. When you watch your childs confidence crumble... you might just medicate…

“People are medicating their child to be a zombie”

I did not medicate my child so he would be a zombie. If anything I have found he was more of a zombie before medication. He was not focused, lacked understanding the world around him, and I could not communicate with him.

"There's nothing wrong with him. You are just expecting him to do better at school than what he's capable of. You should accept that he is average.”

Average I could handle it is being constantly at the bottom struggling to keep up that is the problem.

"People just claim their kid has ADHD so they can medicate them because they're too lazy to parent their child properly."

I guess this is why I have not medicated my other children?

“ADHD is a fake disease”

Sometimes it feels like bigfoot gets more credit!

"Your child can control themselves if they really wanted to."

Can people control depression, bi polar, or autism (to name a few)? No. ADHD is a real illness that is beyond their control.

“He doesn't look like he has ADHD when I see him.”

Well try spending more than an hour with him.

“Back when I was growing up we didn't have that ADHD or ADD.”

Oh you had it, you just had less help and understanding.

"If he wanted to focus, he could do it."

Try telling the person struggling with chronic depression that if they wanted to happy badly enough they could.

"Give him the ADHD meds, problem solved."

Yes sometimes medication can be great for one family but really it can also be horror for another family. There is not always one clear cut answer for every child.

"If people would feed their children only organic whole foods ADHD would no longer exist."  or “Just eliminate gluten/food coloring/sugar out of his diet and he won't need medicine.”

I don’t know why you seem to have this image in your mind that my kid is sitting at home eating sugar by the pound.

"Oh maybe we have ADHD too.”

This feels like a slap in the face that every child struggles with exactly the same things but we are just looking into it too much or can’t handle a ‘normal’ child.

“ADHD is a just placed on boys with too much energy.”

If that was true I would be placing my two year old on a pill.

“Your child is just creative and giving medication is stopping that.”

You're right I hate creativity, I would rather live in a black and white world and stare at the wall.

"I'm sure you understand why your son cannot be around my children"

Actually yes, I do...your ignorance might rub off on my child.

“If his father was home consistently you wouldn't be having the issues with him that you have.”

Yes it is a shame he has to go to work and provide for his family so they can have a home, clothing, and food.

“If you disciplined your child, there wouldn't be such a thing as ADHD!”

Would you be surprised to know my life was full of guilt because of constant lectures and time outs before an ADHD diagnoses.

"You just need to discipline (spank) him more" or "Maybe what he needs is a good smack."

I just have to say there is a difference between discipline and punishment. Spanking is punishment, discipline is teaching them to make good choices, to react in an acceptable way, to allow do-overs, and to place emphasis on the positives, the strengths not point out every little negative thing they do wrong that makes them feel worthless. That takes more work than spanking!

Plus I thought hitting your child was against the law these days.

"I'm gonna pray for him. Have you considered that this behavior might be a spiritual issue?"

Way to make me feel like it's all my fault for being a bad Christian/unfaithful.....prayer is awesome but can't cure a neurological condition!

"There is no way she has ADHD, she's too smart."

Ummm... the diagnosis has nothing to do with intelligence levels!

"He's just being a typical boy."

I guess me, his doctor, and psychologist have no idea what we are talking about.

"He just needs more exercise."

Yeah I have been thinking about buying him a treadmill...

“All she needs is to spend a week with me; then she'd be a different person!"

Lady, if she spent a week with you, YOU would be a different person!

“She's just immature she'll grow out of it.”

So how behind do I let my child get in school while waiting for maturity to kick in?

"If every other student is doing it, he can too. He’s certainly SMART enough, he just needs to get it together!"

Like the "get it together" chats and punishments didn't happen years ago. They obviously didn't work and led us to reaching out and getting the help.

A big thank you to all the parents who helped put this together from A mom's view of ADHD! If there is one we may have missed please share in the comment section!