It has been a great week. I am super mom! My house is clean, the kids are taken care of, homework is done, dinner is yummy. I have been busy all week making sure I have the kids caught up on dentist and doctor appointments. I need to run to the store so I can get enough food to make dinner tomorrow for my family plus a sweet friend who seems to be having a hard time. Plus tomorrow I need to go parent help at the kids school and study for my exam. I am not worried because I can do this, I am on top of it, I have found my niche in the world. I am thinking about signing my kids up for classes again to give them something fun to do and build their self confidence. I have time to kill so I stumble across E-bay. If I am going to put the girls in dance or tumbling then they are going to need some cute leotards. I search finding the best deals and there are so many cute ones. They need these I better buy enough that they can have variety. Before I realize it I have spent over $100 dollars on leotards but that is money well spent. We need them and I am sure we can make that money up and still pay our bills.
I am so excited! I am such a good person, I work so hard to keep my family organized and happy. I need to go and read my kids a bedtime story and tuck them in. They love me so much. I say goodnight and head on over to clean up the dinner dishes while my husband relaxes after work. He wants me to come and relax with him and I am annoyed. I have to have everything clean before I can relax I don't understand why he does not see that. He should just be grateful that he has a wife that is cleaning and doing everything to keep this family going. I tell him my idea about putting the kids into classes and he is concerned. Worried that I am taking on too much. I don't understand that. I am obviously doing a great job, how hard is it to drive the kids to a few activity's. He is worried about money as well. I do the finances I know how much money we have, if he doesn't trust me to make these choices for our family why doesn't he take over. He says sorry and tells me how he trusts me to make the best choice. I don't understand why he cant sacrifice so we can have our needs while we sacrifice so he can go to school. Does he not see how much I do for him, he should feel lucky to have me as his wife because most wives would not put up with all I do. I go to bed feeling accomplished and excited to wake up for another day of the busy and fulfilling life I live.
Fast forward a couple of weeks I wake up exhausted. The house is a complete mess. This is so disgusting and overwhelming. It is time to send the kids off to school and we are scrambling to do homework and get ready because we didn't do it the night before. I am doing hair and remembering we forgot to do baths last night again. I get mad at my daughter because she is trying to take a pencil to school so she can do some homework on the bus. I swear she has taken at least 20 pencils to school and they never come back. I rush them out the door and remember that I have to parent help today. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I write a quick e-mail explaining that I can't make it today. Then I remember that I also am supposed to drop the kids off at dance and Karate. I hate driving. I think today is just too stressful to go anywhere. I wish I didn't sign them up for classes. We are tight on money and could really use that extra income.
I tell myself today I will get the house clean. I restart the laundry in the washer because it has sat too long and stinks. I need to do homework but I can't study in this mess so I need to clean first but if I am going to get energy to clean I need to relax. I relax and by the end the time my husband comes home the house is dirtier and I am still in my pajamas. I don't feel like making dinner but I throw a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven. We push the bowls from breakfast out of the way and eat. I need to get the kids to bed and they want me to tuck them in. I can't read tonight I just don't feel good. They are disappointed and I feel horrible. I walk downstairs knowing I am a bad mom. I am not good at this and I just can't make myself be better. My husband sees me and smiles he wants to spend time with me. I don't understand why he can still love me and smile when I am obviously a mess. He should be mad and telling me I should be working harder but he doesn't. The mess doesn't even seem to bother him but I know deep down it must bother him. He must just be hiding his real feelings and secretly he must think that he wishes I would be better. I do nothing while he is just so good. He works so hard and accomplishes so much there is no way I can compare to how awesome he is. I am a failure, I am worthless. I go to bed hoping that I can be better like I have been hoping for the past week.
I wake up and feel motivated. I don't know why this house was so hard to clean before and I am excited to get it cleaned and be organized. Today is going to be a great day I don't know what was wrong with me last week but I am over it now. That is in the past and there is no way I can go back to that, especially not with how good I am feeling now. It is going to be a great week. I am super mom...