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Friday, March 21, 2014

Caged in ADHD

     



ADHD’ers are born, hitting the ground running. We've got so big intentions, huge desires, and the calling for feeling good is so strong, that everything which does not feel good, causes anxiety. Reaching for the things you want to accomplish, but they always seem to be just out of reach. Because we fear failure, judging, being labeled disabled, ill. And while we are excited every single time a desire comes up, and really feel this strong wanting and believing of actually doing it, there is that little voice in our head, that it might be too crazy, or even when we convince ourselves, there are others, reminding us about all those unfinished things, all the failures. How we tried and failed the last time, or pointing out how it’s not possible, projecting their own fears and failures upon us.


    I love how adhd’ers don’t have a ‘right’ perception of time, for me, it means I can start over and over again, each and every day. Like being newly born, each day, I don’t keep dragging around my past. (takes practice and others around you don’t get you, and it is indeed such a rough ride, but me, feeling good, is the most important, might sound selfish, but I experienced so many times, that whenever I feel off, I’m no good for others too).


    Till that little voice comes up again, or people around me keep me caged in what I did or said yesterday, or last week or last year...That’s why I’m sooo good with strangers and less good in long-term relationships: I can be completely myself with strangers while the ‘oldies’ keep me caged, in what I did or said before. And that’s old news, the old doesn't excite me, it feels like a burden. So, I keep going to the ‘new’ place, the excitement, because I really really really forget about the past, and am able to look to others and myself in a new, fresh way, till they remind me again and then I run away and hide.


     Anyway: if it feels good to you, IT IS good. The art of ADHD is listening to your own emotions, and to get rid of of all those bogus beliefs of others! And that’s where I think about a disability and illness as being a burden. But again...that’s just my two cents, my humble opinion.


Seda Once


sedaonce@gmail.com



(Would you like to share your ADHD story? E-mail Laura at lles86@hotmail.com)

(Please note ouradhdstory shares opinions and thoughts from others which are solely the thoughts of the author and do not necessarily represent those of this blog.)

6 comments:

  1. You are so right about perception of time! I don't know about everyone but myself this rings all to true! I have heard my ex husband tell others that I don't hold grudges and I have a forgiving heart! And yes, that's true. Im a free soul that's empathic & positive... And I think very fast with BUNCHES of thoughts, ideas & scenarios all at once! I forget the past...But my subconscious keeps up!

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    1. Thank you for your comment, I also felt that this rings true for me. I think as people with ADHD our minds can't stay focused on the negative for too long haha

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    2. That was me last night..Constant thoughts, fighting the bad with good thoughts, memories, or even a plausible future. Lack of sleep isn't a problem, I can go and go but it's not sleeping that becomes my burden.

      But some times, my mind stays on negative thoughts, most which are just "What if's".

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    3. Then it is hard because we can think of a million what if's...

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  2. I love this... it's so true. People on the outside are constantly reminding you of everything you've done wrong in the past or somehow screwed up or forgotten. A diagnosed adult clearly knows their weakness and doesn't need that to be pointed out. We are able to move on so quickly from certain things leaving the past where it belongs. I can't help but feel I'm being judged when I hear "Yeah last time you ______." It's a vicious cycle. You screw up and immediately know you did, then in the future they call you on it, and you get discouraged and beat yourself up over it. I think there is a lot of misplaced blame when it comes to adhd. People blame us, and we start to hate ourselves instead of our disorder. I personally have come to terms with it. For the most part I feel good all the time because I have surrounded myself in caring, loving friends as well as my SO who is a major help. Refusing to listen to the negativity is one of the best things I could have done.

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Our ADHD Story is a place where people can share their stories, thoughts, and feelings about ADHD. Get past the generic list of symptoms and see how it is affecting people in real life through personal stories. We are not here to inform you, we are here to engage you.