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Monday, April 28, 2014

Stop 'shoulding' on yourself!

I feel weird admitting that I started seeing a counselor. It almost feels like a secret but really it is just another way I am finding out more about myself and helping myself. In our last meeting we found something interesting. Behind most of my thought process I was trying to find out what I should and should not be doing. I was trying to find out what my counselor wanted from me and what answers he was looking for. I even asked him “What do you want from me?”.  I ended up leaving that meeting with more questions and less answers. He told me that every time I find myself saying should or shouldn't I would ask myself why I would do that. I left thinking "I shouldn't be doing that.”

At first I was annoyed because he never gave me the answer but he wanted me to find the answer. I even Googled the answer but this time Google did not come through for me. I found myself saying should and shouldn't a lot! At first I would mock the process and stop and exclaim loudly “Why would I say should/n’t, that is interesting!”

Then I went on some support groups and asked their opinion. I realized then the pressure that I am putting on myself all the time.

“I should be able to get the house clean”
“I should be able to parent help”
“I should love being a stay at home mom”
“I shouldn't eat this chocolate”
“I shouldn't be on Facebook so much”

I found out I am ‘shoulding’ all over myself! Instead of allowing myself room to decide what is best for me and my family I think about all that I ‘should’ be doing and put all this pressure on myself because then if I do not do it I failed because I am not living up to what I think everyone expects of me.

I think it is time for all of us to stop 'shoulding' on ourselves and instead of asking “What do people want from me?” try asking “What do I want from myself?

Sunday, April 27, 2014

ADHD: Awesome Car Without Brakes

I am on the road driving and the car is going fast. It is exhilarating and exciting. I start to worry that I might get in trouble so I try to slow down. I realize my breaks are not working and the car only gets faster and faster. I am trying to dodge all of the cars on the busy road filled with people. I can’t make the car stop and I have no idea what I am going to do. Everything is coming at me quickly and all I can do is try to dodge the disasters waiting to happen. How long can I keep this up? I am scared and my anxiety is through the roof. I don’t know what to do…

This is a dream I have had for years and every time I have it I wake up scared and stressed. It feels real and I have to work to calm myself down. Maybe this is why I do not like driving. There are two other versions of this dream. One where I am in the middle of the road with lights coming at me and I can’t feel my legs to move and get out of the way.

The third dream started when I had children. I am letting them drive the car and they cannot control it. They go to fast, crash, or violate a traffic law that makes the cops come to pull us over. I know I am in trouble and try to trade spots with my child before the cop sees who was driving.

I have heard ADHD can feel like a fast car without proper breaks and that is exactly what my dream reminds me of. My life is a fast car with so much to avoid and so much to focus on that it feels out of my control. How do I keep up? How can I make sure to never crash and never fail and when I do fail who will be hurt? Who will be in my car or in the car I can’t miss?

Something is coming at me and I know it is coming but I can’t move out of the way even knowing what to expect. Lastly when will I get in trouble for not taking enough control and letting my kids get away with too much because of my lack of organization. I don’t want anyone to find out that I am not taking control of my life as much as I should be.

I am a brilliant fast car but without the right breaks I am going nowhere fast.

Friday, April 25, 2014

What is your idea of ADHD 'Hell'?

  • I HATE being put on hold!!
  • Needing a change of pace but being forced into a routine I can't pay enough attention to to follow
  • Listening to someone with a gravelly voice narate a book on tape, while pausing to snort their nose.
  • Family - not giving a crap, not understanding it, and not doing anything to help you. And oh, flying under the radar for 39 years when the signs were clearly there
  • Spending every day, day in and day out, waiting on hold for indeterminate periods of time, while listening to elevator music, and losing each call just as the person picks up.
  • NEEDING to read for school and not being able to focus on a single sentence, no matter what I do
  • Having to actually wait my turn to talk when I have something really, really, REALLY important to say.....and then forgetting what it was.
  • Wanting so much to go somewhere or do something; when the opportunity comes up - I back out. Then detach from the person or group that suggests it. I've tried to visit a friend 3 miles away for early four years. Then I shut down. My mother said that even as a toddler I would be excited about going anywhere ad within minutes of arriving, all I did was want to go home. It's really hell....
  • Having to have something explained to you by someone who has horrible bad breath, while they whisper it to you and you have to lean in realllly close to hear it, over and over again because you're bad with directions.
  • Standing in line constantly getting bumped by little kids or people in general and no one says excuse me. Or being crowded while waiting to check out
  • My emotions getting the best of me! There is nothing worse to me than knowing something should not bother you but your emotions and body tell you yes you are and there's nothing you can do about it!!
  • Wanting to watch so much anime, but don't have the concentration for it. I have almost 50 tabs of anime on my internet browser that I want to watch, but I simply cannot pay attention
  • Having to work in a contained office with a stinky boss who looks/reads over my shoulder at my computer screen when we aren't busy or just to see what I am doing to keep busy and or just to be nosy. And trying to control my mouth and myself to tell him to back away in the nicest possible way because he smells effin nastier than a high schools bedroom after football practice!!
  • My brain? It's like having the mind of a pentium wiv 2gs of RAM! I wish I cud switch it off! Put the brakes on it, I over anylise EVERY situation and every motive, drives me batty!
  • Knowing every day you have to clean, do laundry, cook and repeat from sun up to sun down without a day off.
  • ( I actually had this job) doing piecework and having to finish 5000 of the exact same little bitty computer part in an hour, as your coworker plays the SAME Barry Manilow tape over and over and over again throughout the day.
  • Actually I find THE most annoying thing is the inability to follow throu on a thought, its like i get bored cannot invest anymore thinking time on that and cut off, oh, to follow through on a single thought to completion! Its almost a life long dream  it goes hand in hand with walking into a shop to buy a lighter and ending up buying the whole shop goin home then having to return to shop cos the ONLY BLOODY THING I WENT OUT FOR I forgot 
  • Working underground in a damp, dank space....while lights flicker overhead and there's a constant drip, drip, dripping. And a draft that you cannot figure out where it originates from to be able to stop it.
  • Having to talk on the phone to people with monotone voices....all. dang. day.
  • Having a giant cobweb hanging from a ceiling fan in your living room and not being able to reach it. And your husband can't see it.
  • Having to drive a dirty car
  • Mine would be being so opposed to everyday "routine" and being forced to adhere to the same rigid schedule, day in and day out.....and not being allowed to change up the way you do things.
  • Pouring just the perfect cup of coffee, over and over again but never being able to drink it because you're always forgetting it somewhere.
  • Leaving each and every load of laundry in the washer for days, just until it gets a nice mildew smell.
  • Having a dozen things that I hafta do, and everytime I try to leave someone on Facebook says something interesting and I tell myself "I'll just answer this one last post"
  • Although I really like certain parts of my job, currently I have to give the exact same presentation every day, 10 months of the year, and 3x a day in July and August. It's for college freshmen, so it's a different group of students every day, but I am so sick of saying the EXACT SAME THING OVER AND OVER EVERY DAY and still trying to sound enthusiastic about it. Anything monotonous is ADHD hell for me
  • Having friends who you get together with each weekend, who can't remember that they told you the very same stories when you saw them last weekend....and the weekend before. And they insist on finishing the story, despite you interjecting with "oh yah....oh, I remember you saying that. Uh huh....yep, no....she did that again?"
  • Any activity in which someone insists on standing and watching you over your shoulder.......whether it's while I'm at the computer, or parked in front of a slot machine. (unless you're winning. In which case they are your lucky charm and they must stay).
  • Spending hours cleaning.....and being so proud of how your wood floors just *sparkle*. Then your husband walks in with his muddy shoes and promptly drops half a Popsicle on the floor.
  • Being made to weed the garden for hours on end as you hear the sound (they've ramped up the volume for you....this is Hell afterall) of more weeds popping out of the ground.
  • Colleagues who are perfectionists!! That explains why I've ended self employed!
  • Typing out a it would be 5 miles long....Reason why I'm self employed.
  • Noticing, out the window, that a guy is walking his pot-bellied pig as you're supposed to be paying attention in a meeting. Now, all you can think about is the guy and his pot-bellied pig.
  • Dial up internet
  • Wanting to clean and organize but not having the motivation or feeling to overwhelmed to even know where to begin.
  • Helping children with homework every day
  • Paperwork, bills
  • My mind going 90-nothing, a bunch of people around me talking and I can't focus. My emotions going up and down, trying to stabilize my life but can only do it with medications. ADHD sucks.
  • Being undiagnosed my whole life and living with with the symptoms, and then finding sweet, blessed relief upon being diagnosed in my late 40's. Only to have a new Doctor tell me, in my mid-fifties, that *she* thinks my ADD is "questionable" and very likely due to my being menopausal. Listen ya dumby........that *could* be true if they weren't the very same symptoms I'd had in my 20's, 30's and 40's.
  • Having a mind full of ideas, experience, knowledge, talent, brilliance and a heart full of love, life and desire... and not being able to live it out fully, adventurously and undaunted. (it's not TRUE that i'm unable to live it out. that's the lie that my emotions tell me. sometimes i just wanna punch those negative voices in my head in the face and then run to the top of a mountain!) 
  • Continually striving to overcome the negative symptoms that hinder relationships in my life. It hurts me that a good deal of my intentions don't line up with my reality. I am afraid that my husband, children other family and friends, will not fully understand, know, see or feel the depth of my love for them from me because of distractions and a tendency to be unfocused; it's hard for me to spend real quality time with them as my mind drifts and wanders and sometimes disinterest rises up also over time I have lost some faith and confidence in my ability keep up, follow up and follow through with great plans, ideas as well just the plain forgetfulness, it has taken a huge toll and has caused unintentional pain, heartache and missed opportunities for me and my loved ones. I have passed on visits from special people in my life because of areas in my home that were so unorganized I was embarrassed and sadden that I couldn't get it together. Thankfully I have grown in most of these areas, found coping strategies, studied and got information to help improve and / or developed some business relationships with professional organizers and cleaning services that have helped heal some pain and restore some areas. But it remains a battle to build and maintain genuine, healthy and complete relationships.
What is your idea of ADHD 'Hell'?

Thank you to the support groups!
(ouradhdstory shares thoughts and ideas from others and do not necessarily represent my own)

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

What foods make ADHD worse?

Feeling like your ADHD may be worse on day and have no idea why? Maybe it is what you are eating. Here are some things to try reducing from your diet to see if they may help you like they have been able to help others with ADHD.

  • Sugar
  • Dairy
  • Gluten
  • Food Coloring especially red
  • Carbohydrates
  • Apples
  • Whiskey
  • Corn
  • Preservatives
  • Fried Foods
  • Pizza
  • Caffeine

What may bother one may not bother another. Try eliminating one a week and track how you are feeling. Not only may it help you manage your ADHD but getting healthier will all around make you feel better! Did we miss any? Please comment!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Sex, Marriage, and ADHD

(Please note thehiddenillness shares opinions and thoughts from others which are solely the thoughts of the author and do not necessarily represent my own. Warning this is inappropriate for children)

5 years and 4 kids later, I have a lot on my mind, especially with this complicated brood…
When I met my Hubby, I couldn't keep my hands off of him.  It was something primal, chemical, and wild.  It would take all of my willpower not to jump him in the early stages of our marriage.  I don’t know what it was, but the feel, look, smell, everything made me go absolutely wild for him.  Add that chemistry, plus his ability to keep up with my ADHD, and wow, I knew that something was definitely different about this guy.  I could be with him in complete abandon, and it felt amazing, out of this world, and so different.  Prior to my Hubby, I felt fairly indifferent about sex.  I usually got bored with the relationship as soon as it became physical.  But, Hubby was different.  I had an insatiable appetite for him.  Then, we started having kids.
When I was pregnant with Disorder, I was an insatiable kinky whore.  Looking back, I don’t know who the hell that person was!  It must have been some monumental hormone blast I got from being pregnant in my late 30′s?  I don’t know.  But nothing was off-limits. Needless to say, hubby enjoyed that pregnancy.   I didn’t.  Between the hot crazy kinky sex, I was completely depressed, sick, and feeling miserable.  After, Disorder was born, I was looking forward to getting my body back and feeling normal again.  I have had repeat c-sections, so recovery takes awhile.
Six months later, I was pregnant with Zest.  However, this time, the kinkfest was over, and I became just a depressed, chronically painful, mess.  Once Zest was born, I thought it would take about 6 months to feel okay again.  But I never quite got back that insatiable appetite I had before pregnancy.  I suppose that’s somewhat normal.
Then, unexpectedly, after one time of getting too caught up in the moment, we conceived Whoa.  My pregnancy with Whoa was better than the others.  I was more active, my weight stayed somewhat stable, and I started taking anti-depressants, which helped immensely.
So now, Whoa is 5 months old.  I starved my poor Hubby in the sex department for a long while.  He’s really been a saint when it comes to his patience.  I decided that I was making too big of a deal out of trying to have an encounter with him.  We simply do not have the luxury nor the time to have a full course session.  I certainly don’t have the attention span.
So, I decided to quit worrying about the full course, and to attempt to stick to the wham bam thank you ma’am.  Our society frowns upon such things, and there’s all this pressure for a man to deliver a full course.  Plus, I think he likes to deliver the full course.  However, I can’t relax enough to feel like I can enjoy such a full meal nowadays.  There’s always a baby monitor on, a preschooler fight, and kids in the other room.  Getting time alone is just a pain in the ass, and I worry about the kids if they’re with anyone else.
So, the quickie has now become a regular part of our bedroom.  I love it.  It’s hot.  It feels good.  It’s practical.  He’s happy.  I’m happy.  Yeah, I’m not left in a puddle of perspiration and exhaustion totally spent, but I don’t have time for that anyhow.  We each give and get a little affection, and a few minutes to ourselves, for ourselves.  We have very little time and energy for our marriage, and I think that this is a little tidbit of dedicated sharing that will help bridge some of the gaps created by the kids.
So, sex has certainly been redefined.  The quickie is good for me, good for him, good for our marriage, and good for my ADHD.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Give ADHD and ODD Advice

I have 2 children with adhd my oldest adhd and odd..I'm a single Mom..4 kiddos total..I was hoping someone else whos in or been in a similar situation would be able n willing to provide I guess help.. I know this maybe a long shot but I'm like at the end of my rope..outta ideas n not having much luck with anything really n I don't know anybody who's dealt with any of this

.. my oldest is 10 has adhd n odd.. I've always had issues with his attitude n behavior n he will poop his pants..which his psychologist said he has seen before with children who were diagnosed with that combo..there had always been some issues with behavior n everything in school not as bad as at home tho..he has always been very defiant.. before he had even been tested I had a feeling he had adhd n had tried switching his diet essential oils herbal things such as teas etc but nothing seemed to improve anything..he was always extremely hateful and mean toward his brothers one in particular.. after being diagnosed the psychologist prescribed him to concerta starting at the lowest dose possible n that was just over a yr ago..and when that was started it seemed to help and the pooping stopped..within a month they weren't working anymore n it was like that with every dose increase..well this school yr things just got worse n worse..started off good in school except the pooping in the pants which has continued to only happen at school..about 4 maybe 5 months ago the psychologist thought it was an anxiety thing and prescribed him a low dose of zoloft to take at night which I can tell a big difference when he doesn't take it but didn't help with the issue..n each month at school his attitude n behavior continues to get worse n worse..fighting hurting other students being hateful n down right mean..he's not doing school work or anything won't listen to anybody at all anymore..couple months ago the psychologist referred him to a therapist also who decided she was not qualified enough to deal with him n she specializes in children she said he needed more help..

last few days at school he's spent most the day in the office for refusing to do as he's told n talking back to him teacher n throwing things around kickin things etc.. n did the same things while in the office..well then today I had walked with my youngest son to the school so that I could talk to the counselor n fill her in on the therapist thing n let her know bout issues at home n watnot n while I was there stopped in to take to his teacher n he had gotten sent to the nurse(this was at the end of school) to change n clean up cuz he pooped his pants again..but bein it was that late in the day everyone was leaving or had already left so he was told he was going to have to go home with me instead of going to the after school program like he normally does everyday..

n he refused to leave..I took him down the hall to return something to the after school program room n I couldn't get him out I literally had to wrap my arms around him to try to pull him out at which time he grabbed the door frame n wouldn't let go..I had to use the wall as leverage to get him loose n when I finally got him outta the room he thru himself down in the hall taking me down with him n he laid there in the hall curled up crying n trying to kick me by this time I already had one teacher stop to try to help but we had no luck getting him up n he's too strong for me to try to pick him up or anything..that was around 3:10-3:15 as time went on there was another teacher along with the counselor who stopped n tried to help but nothing worked the principal was called down that didn't work..all this time I'm needing to get home cuz my dad was watching my daughter who's 21mnths old today actually.. n when I finally looked back at my phone it was already after 4 n I'd left the house at 1:30..finally they all told me to head home with my son n they would keep working with him n try to get him up n home..just before 5 I got a call from the school telling me they made no progress it had actually gotten worse n I ended up running to a neighbors house n basically begging for help to get him home.. we got to the school n he was still on the floor wherehe was when I left only now he was hitting n kicking the door n I was told had been for a while..there r only 2wks left of the after school program which he now doesn't get to attend due to his episode (it had been taken away the principal)

I had tried taking to someone from the church the children attend in hopes that the adults there could help me in some way...guidance as to wat I should do which way to turn something n after witnessing this episode the lady from the church told me it was beyond any help they could provide n all they could do was pray for me..I had parents n other teachers staring at me or keep looking over with this look like wat is wrong with that kid wat is wrong with u ur a horrible Mom etc n made me feel so much worse n after bein told by the lady all any of them could do was pray for me I bout broke down..sounds stupid but it made me feel even worse about myself as a mother like I wasn't good enough it took all I had not to start crying n I'm not one to cry.. I've come to wat feels like a dead end..idk wat to do anymore.. at all..

  My oldest has been on concerta for just over a yr he's at the highest does possible n it has no effect on him..he was also given .1mgs clonodine to take at bedtime which has been increased (doubled the dose) cuz the insomnia was still so bad n he was also given zoloft to try to help with anxiety

My middle son (6 1/2) was diagnosed with adhd but from wat the psychologist said or at least wat I understood he's bordering on almost riding the line for being diagnosed with odd also..which I found strange cuz he's more defiant than all my children together Lol..but with him it's basically just the normal temper tantrums n whining/cryin fits aggressiveness etc that most docs like to classify as "normal" adhd things and there really hasn't been much in the way of problems or issues with him in school(like there has been n is with my oldest) n the psychologist started him on 10mg xr adderall which didn't do anything at all so now hes to take 2of the 10mg xr in the mornings followed by a 5mg tablet around 4 in the afternoon n the .1mg clonadine at bedtime (or else no sleep )
I've tried all forms of discipline to help correct behaviors n attitudes at home I've spent countless hrs n hrs sittin em down individually of course n tryin to really talk to them tryin to understand tryin to figure out if There's certain triggers to certain behaviors n such.. I've tried everything I can think of.. I've made a point to have sit down talks with teachers counselors principal..hoping we could all work together figure out something no matter how small of a something.. n they all tell me the exact same thing.."I don't know wat to do" or "I don't know wat to say outta ideas"

Thursday, April 17, 2014

You Are The Gift!

The "gift" of ADHD is not in the ADHD, it's in your own personal character to develop the skills to over come the adversities of the disorder. If your symptoms are so sever as to cause you jail time, broken family, drug abuse, failed education, lost jobs, etc, then, you have a lot of personal development to look into. And after you have modified your behaviors to compensate for your physiological disorder, and you have overcome all of the harmful effects, then you have redefined your personal character and have developed the gift. The disease is not a gift. It is your ability to overcome and grow. That is the gift.

( Please note thehiddenillness shares opinions and thoughts from others which are solely the thoughts of the author and do not necessarily represent my own.)

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Road Map

I am a single mom. I have 3 kids, my oldest, 10 years, is diagnosed ADHD, OCD, ODD and NOS Mood Disorders. He is an amazing boy and he has taught me so much about life, love, and how to pick battles!
He was born with fists clenched. He stopped eating and drinking from 7-9 months old and started eating again with medication. He was the most colicky and clingy baby I knew. He started talking full sentences by 10 months old and was obsessed with outlets and plants to the point I had to leave the house. He couldn't handle play dates without grabbing kids and pulling hair. In Kinder is where his teacher told me that he stuck out like a sore thumb and was not able to play on his own or with others. Prior to Kinder, it was my parenting style that was the problem, according to most friends and most family. When I tried spanking, he hit back with full aggression and at age 3, told me he's "gonna take that knife, stab you in the heart and twist it Mommy". I had no idea what to do and felt helpless. Our journey started right then with "professionals", diet changes, increased exercise, but my baby was still very unhappy and getting outwardly more aggressive. For the next 3 years, until he was 8, we were passed from therapist to therapist, even still I was following all of the super nanny therapy tactics with a 100% type A personality. My twi little kids and I had enough, our home was bursting at the seams and I had no idea what each and every single moment would look like.  

Until a close friend enlightened me and I realized that I was running a psych ward in my own home with all of the job titles of a whole hospital. Realizing, on top of that, I had to bring my other 2 little babies to work everyday in our psych hospital of a home. I then agreed to try medicine trials, not a very safe thing to do with an already aggressive child. It wasn't until after we tried 12 different medicine trials, a psych ward medicine wash visit, a 6 week day treatment program far from home, a dead family hermit crab, broken spirits, broken objects and a broken family, we found Vyvance. He has been able to control his body the last 2 full years at school but was losing it and was getting older and bigger AND very aggressive after school when medicine wore off. It has been 4 weeks since an anti-anxiety medicine was added. We have a happy, wild, pre-teen at home now. He does Neurofeedback 2 times a week and we have PCIT Training every other week (Parent/Child Interaction Training) and I couldn't be happier!!! We all simply want our kids to live Safe, Happy and Healthy lives. 

I started a support network of families in 2012 called Pediatric Treatment Network. These parents have helped me so much, we have learned together. I no longer felt alone.  
I write Pediatric Parent Plans to provide a road map for other parents that may be looking down a twisted road like mine. It takes a village thankfully. Thank you.


( Please note thehiddenillness shares opinions and thoughts from others which are solely the thoughts of the author and do not necessarily represent my own.)

Monday, April 14, 2014

My Enemy: Paperwork

(This post contains affiliate links, thank you for supporting thehiddenillness)

Paperwork is my enemy. It is the thing that piles up and takes over. It makes me want to run into a corner and hide. I might be exaggerating a little but seriously it is my largest struggle and when I think about working on it I feel like the energy has been sucked out of me. Granted when it feels fun I can get paperwork done, you know like those impulsive moments when you decide to apply for a car loan the paperwork seems pretty easy but as I get older it feels like it just gets harder to keep up.

Bills, applications, reminders, important documents… if I was overwhelmed in school by the papers they wanted us to keep organized then I am way over my head now. Especially because the consequences are worse now, I am an adult and these mistakes won't go unnoticed.

The hardest part has now become my kids paperwork. EVERYDAY I tell you they bring home a backpack full of paper, announcements, grades, drawings… I can’t keep up with it all. It is exhausting. The hardest part is knowing as a mom I need to display so much of it and for so much time but if every day they bring home 10 pages what am I supposed to value as important enough to try and organize in a scrapbook and what am I supposed to display and then what can go in the trash without hurting feeling? Yet this is only the beginning! Yes these are my questions so here are some answers that have helped me, although I am sure I could benefit from more help!

I found a system to keep it out of my way until I want to see it. I bought these cute Three-Pocket Wall Files to hang on my wall so I would be organized. It can be really good because I don’t lose things as easily and I have somewhere designated for paperwork but if I am not careful it almost makes the problem worse because out of sight out of mind and it just piles and piles… well you get the idea. So I am trying to make it a goal to go through it once a week. I make sure not to put ads in their and those just go strait in the trash.

I finally had a talk with my kids about how I love all the work and art they bring home, color at home, work on at church (see school is not the only problem) and how it is so special but I can’t keep everything or our house would just be full of papers. That has made them more understanding.

So I now have it where they pick their favorite to put on the fridge with Magnets and rotate when they want to. If I see a cute art project that is special like has a hand print I try and place it into their Scrapbook behind their picture page so I can see what age they were when they did it. If I am worried about feelings then I throw things away while they are in bed and make sure it is NOT on the top of the garbage can!

Slowly I am making steps to take down my enemy. Help me, what are some of your secrets to keep the paperwork organize and not get buried?

Best Advice for your ADHD

What is the best advice you have ever received (and 

remembered) that has helped you with your ADHD?

  • Keep and journal and a organizer and set an alarm in my smartphone so I take my meds on time or not to forget an appointment. And the journal to write down your emotions good or bad to get a perspective on things that day.
  • Having ADHD doesn't make me a worse person just makes me different and better in other ways!!
  • I was also told that my ADHD makes me unique and interesting and that no one could ever be bored in my company. I may be different but that difference makes me original and fun
  • That it's not an illness, just a different way of being
  • Honestly, for me, it was when your mind is in hyper-speed meltdown & you can't stop thinking, read a good book. it focus' me like nothing else, calms me down & is the only way i can relax at all. it's probably got me through life better than anything else I've tried.
  • I sat down and scheduled chores with a counselor. I wouldn't have been able to figure out this schedule without her help and now scheduling other things has come (somewhat) easier.
  • "Get to know your animal". It was an analogy. You don't know how to treat the problem until you know what the problem is. Before then all you can do is mask the symptoms.
  • What has helped me More than anything is understanding and embracing it. I learned I was my own worst judgmental enemy. I was internally criticizing. I don't do it anymore and I've become highly productive by a. Being nice to myself and b. Accepting it's who I ADD isn't going anywhere, it's who I am.
  • I have ADHD; ADHD doesn't have me. There's nothing I can do with my diagnoses BUT work with it. Work with the positive aspects, instead of dwelling on the negatives. It makes life easier. And most importantly; laugh! Accept who you are and laugh! Life is going to throw curve-balls... CATCH THEM
  • write everything down! Planners help me...and keeping a bag with everything you need with you at all times
  • Don't lie to yourself and think you'll remember! Write it down! Put it in your calendar!!!
  • This is the way God wanted you to be...perfectly imperfect.
  • Accept & love yourself
  • Making a "done" list, not just a "to do" list.
  • Don't be so hard on have to give yourself more credit!

Have some advice to share? Please comment :)

(Please note thehiddenillness shares opinions and thoughts from others which are solely the thoughts of the author and do not necessarily represent my own.)

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Unashamed ADHD

Ok here is my story. I grew up with my mom, dad, and twin sisters that are three years older than me. My twin sister’s were and still are very close. They were excellent students got awesome grades. My parents treated them like queens. Then they had me on accident they always said. I struggled in school and had a learning disability and everyone including my family called me stupid and why couldn't I be like my sisters. I heard that all my life and still do. I couldn't do anything right.

So after I moved out I went and saw a therapist for awhile and my family was so embarrassed and ashamed because of me going to a therapist. They still are to this day very ashamed and tell me to keep everything hush hush because they don't want anyone too know they are embarrassed. I really don't talk to them all that much because they make my anxiety and depression worse.

So I have kind of had a breakdown at 47 and trying to get myself better and to work on my depression, adhd, bipolar, and anxiety. It has been a long and hard road but taking baby steps and I will get there. I am sick and tired of feeling hopeless, powerless, physically and mentally exhausted, lost, hurt, angry, mad, and etc.

I have been married for 21 years to my husband and he is trying to be so supportive and helping me through all of this. I have two kids a son who is 16 and a daughter who is 17. It it wasn't for my kids and husband I don't know what I would do.

Right now I finally after seeing 4 pdocs found an excellent one and we are in the process of getting tested for ADHD, but she is somewhat diagnosed me with Bipolar II, anxiety, and depression. I love my therapist that I see every week and have come a long way. So I am working very hard at being positive, happy, and no more negativity in my life. Which is quite hard the negativity because of the mental illness issues. But I am trying my best.

I will admit I am addicted to FB and I am also a Page Admin for 2 Pages. I love it! I love helping people, supporting people, encouraging people, and possibly inspiring people. I am not ashamed of my mental health issues and I want to help stop the stigma and let people they are not alone.

All my life I have been struggling and finally I had a bit of a breakdown last March. Started finally seeing a therapist gain which I absolutely love. In July I got fired from the 11th job I had in year because of lack of attention, can't concentrate, can't follow simple instructions, and etc. So my husband, therapist, and I decided that I would not get a job and work on ME. So haven't worked since last July and been working on taking care of ME and getting the help I need.

So I finally got diagnosed with Bipolar and ADHD and of course Depression and Anxiety!!! Yeah finally!!!

Do you understand what Lisa is going through? Join her support group! Have a story to share? E-mail me at

( Please note thehiddenillness shares opinions and thoughts from others which are solely the thoughts of the author and do not necessarily represent my own.)

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

ADHD in a Girl

I am lost in a daydream and I love it. I can easily entertain myself with my thoughts and ideas. I am back into reality as my 3rd grade teacher says “Laura is in la la land again.” and we all laugh. It is our class joke that never gets old. I am a sweet girl and I don’t get in trouble. I know I am liked and I am smart. Even when I daydream it is easy to make up for not paying attention because these concepts feel simple.

5th grade brings learning a musical instrument. The violin. The first lesson makes me feel like I am over my head. Suddenly something is not so simple. This is hard, it takes too much focus. How do you remember all these steps and ideas. I make excuses to stay out of class as much as possible.

Move forward to 6th grade. It is my last year in elementary. I talk too much and have homework now that I don’t do. I make up for it with my sweet and fun personality. My teacher likes me. I have to sit out gym time and write my spelling words because I have not been doing them. It is not hard and I know I could do it quickly and easily but it is so boring and being in my own thoughts is so much better. I never get much accomplished and I am behind all year.

Junior high feels like a car wreck. Suddenly not everything is in one classroom and not all my stuff is available in one desk. Organization is suddenly very important and suddenly what I am learning is not so simple. If I lose focus I won't do well. I feel awkward and my lack of maturity is really starting to show.

Being bored in class makes my feet antsy making me want to run out of class screaming. My legs want to move! The only way to stop the urge is to daydream and take myself out of there with my mind.

High school brings new challenges. I am talkative and fun yet I still struggle with friendships. Partly because I am too blunt and don’t have much tact. Also because I am run by my emotions and lack control. Boyfriends are a struggle. I get bored quickly and hurt people by my fickle nature.

My bad grades are now a bigger problem. Failing classes means after school classes or not graduating. I do summer school full of boring packets that make my feet antsy. I do a test packet full of circling random answers. Nothing bad happens. I pass by circling and daydreaming. My GPA is poor but I graduate.

Still the hard part is only beginning. I quickly move into marriage, children, and college. Still without knowing or understanding I am being affected by ADHD.