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Monday, May 19, 2014

Restless legs or ADHD?

This is my first time on an airplane. I am nervous but really excited for something new and different. The first plane fly's for an hour and I meet someone on the airplane and we talk the whole way. Then the layover and I am not prepared for what comes next because next is the airplane that will take me 4 hours until I reach my destination. I am alone this time and no friendly face to talk to.

4 hours may seem like no big deal but when I sit there the quiet takes over and I realize I have to stay in one place for 4 hours, not just any place but a very quiet and boring place in the same seat looking at the same seat in front of me.  

My feet have been antsy before but nothing like what I am about to experience. I want to move so badly it hurts and honestly my whole body is fighting me to stay in that chair. I literally want to scream. Maybe I am having a panic attack ,I am not sure but I am very stressed out. I can’t read my book, I can’t daydream, I can’t take myself out of this chair. All I can think about it being stuck and not being able to go anywhere.

I HAVE to move and so I go to the bathroom the first chance I get. I take my time and breath deeply to try and calm myself.

When I told my doctor I think I have ADD I made sure he knew it was not ADHD only ADD because I am not hyperactive. I guess I felt better about myself feeling like I had some control and was not as bad as I could be. A hyperactive adult? What does that even look like?

Then one day I told my doctor my little secrets that when I can’t escape with my daydreams I have learned ways to cope with being hyperactive. For example I count on my fingers tapping them in rhythm and saying “2,4,5” in my head. I open and close lip gloss in my pocket, or I tap my feet to a certain sequence.

I struggle at movie theaters I end up walking around outside needing a drink, bathroom, refill… even to the point where I went and sat in my car. It can be worse when I am tired and have no more patience left to give. I want to move or go to sleep and my legs make me want to scream until I give them one or the other. Long car rides can feel excruciating.

Before my diagnosis I wondered if it was restless legs but I honestly look back now and I see it as my ADHD. Yes me a 27 year old woman has Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.

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