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Monday, April 28, 2014

Stop 'shoulding' on yourself!

I feel weird admitting that I started seeing a counselor. It almost feels like a secret but really it is just another way I am finding out more about myself and helping myself. In our last meeting we found something interesting. Behind most of my thought process I was trying to find out what I should and should not be doing. I was trying to find out what my counselor wanted from me and what answers he was looking for. I even asked him “What do you want from me?”.  I ended up leaving that meeting with more questions and less answers. He told me that every time I find myself saying should or shouldn't I would ask myself why I would do that. I left thinking "I shouldn't be doing that.”

At first I was annoyed because he never gave me the answer but he wanted me to find the answer. I even Googled the answer but this time Google did not come through for me. I found myself saying should and shouldn't a lot! At first I would mock the process and stop and exclaim loudly “Why would I say should/n’t, that is interesting!”

Then I went on some support groups and asked their opinion. I realized then the pressure that I am putting on myself all the time.

“I should be able to get the house clean”
“I should be able to parent help”
“I should love being a stay at home mom”
“I shouldn't eat this chocolate”
“I shouldn't be on Facebook so much”

I found out I am ‘shoulding’ all over myself! Instead of allowing myself room to decide what is best for me and my family I think about all that I ‘should’ be doing and put all this pressure on myself because then if I do not do it I failed because I am not living up to what I think everyone expects of me.

I think it is time for all of us to stop 'shoulding' on ourselves and instead of asking “What do people want from me?” try asking “What do I want from myself?


  1. I agree! I do this all the time. Like right now - I'm not feeling well in the least bit, but instead of lying down on the couch, I'm working on my blog instead. I know I'll feel guilty for resting during these hours, but I also know not resting is going to make me feel worse later. I guess you sharing this post was a way of the universe telling me, Go lie down, woman! haha Thanks for sharing with me and my readers!

    1. I think we are better off allowing ourselves time to be 'lazy' or 'sick' and not beat ourselves up for it, then the time will be well spent and we will be more energized to get back to work! :) Thank you for sharing!