Stop 'shoulding' on yourself!

I feel weird admitting that I started seeing a counselor. It almost feels like a secret but really it is just another way I am finding out more about myself and helping myself. In our last meeting we found something interesting. Behind most of my thought process I was trying to find out what I should and should not be doing. I was trying to find out what my counselor wanted from me and what answers he was looking for. I even asked him “What do you want from me?”.  I ended up leaving that meeting with more questions and less answers. He told me that every time I find myself saying should or shouldn't I would ask myself why I would do that. I left thinking "I shouldn't be doing that.”

At first I was annoyed because he never gave me the answer but he wanted me to find the answer. I even Googled the answer but this time Google did not come through for me. I found myself saying should and shouldn't a lot! At first I would mock the process and stop and exclaim loudly “Why would I say should/n’t, that is interesting!”

Then I went on some support groups and asked their opinion. I realized then the pressure that I am putting on myself all the time.

“I should be able to get the house clean”

“I should be able to parent help”

“I should love being a stay at home mom”

“I shouldn't eat this chocolate”

“I shouldn't be on Facebook so much”

I found out I am ‘shoulding’ all over myself! Instead of allowing myself room to decide what is best for me and my family I think about all that I ‘should’ be doing and put all this pressure on myself because then if I do not do it I failed because I am not living up to what I think everyone expects of me.

I think it is time for all of us to stop 'shoulding' on ourselves and instead of asking “What do people want from me?” try asking “What do I want from myself?