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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Path of Least Resistance

( Please note thehiddenillness shares opinions and thoughts from others which are solely the thoughts of the author and do not necessarily represent those of this blog.)

Sometimes it takes me months to  finish anything. I'm 61 and I just started writing thank you cards to people who gave me gifts when I graduated from primary. lol

Honestly though I really struggle with finishing things. And my OCDs go off the charts

I'm also left-handed. I always took the path of least resistance. I always tried to 'joke' my way through life. (And still do). I tell people "I'm a 16 yr. old trapped in a 61yr. old body". Probably because it masks a deeper feeling or pain.

I have quite  a unique blend of things to mention.I always had low self-esteem, I was always overweight. I never had much luck with girls. I will say with all honesty. I never physically abused my wife. I am not hiding anything, we just grew apart. I was obsessed with waste etc. utility bills, being more frugal than she was and I probably drove her away. I was totally devastated when my x-wife of 31 yrs went to the Internet to find someone new.  I  believe rejection is one of the most difficult human experiences to overcome, so much that I tried suicide 2 times.  But much better now. I believe the Good Lord let me stay and maybe to help others.

I did cause a lot of grief to my family and children and could never allow that to happen again.  I do wish my x-wife and I had had a better understanding of my ADHD & OCDs, it might have helped save the marriage, (temple even).  At the time I truly felt, no matter how distorted  that if I were of no value to the woman I wanted to spend the 'eternities' with, then I was of no value to anyone, including 5 children.  And believe me, I don't share this to solicit pity, it's just the reality of things that happened.

But I'm better, I'm focused, I love the Savior and  His teachings. (LDS) connection intended.

Thanks, Mike Belt.  City of salt,  Utah

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