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Sunday, April 20, 2014

Sex, Marriage, and ADHD

(Please note thehiddenillness shares opinions and thoughts from others which are solely the thoughts of the author and do not necessarily represent my own. Warning this is inappropriate for children)

5 years and 4 kids later, I have a lot on my mind, especially with this complicated brood…
When I met my Hubby, I couldn't keep my hands off of him.  It was something primal, chemical, and wild.  It would take all of my willpower not to jump him in the early stages of our marriage.  I don’t know what it was, but the feel, look, smell, everything made me go absolutely wild for him.  Add that chemistry, plus his ability to keep up with my ADHD, and wow, I knew that something was definitely different about this guy.  I could be with him in complete abandon, and it felt amazing, out of this world, and so different.  Prior to my Hubby, I felt fairly indifferent about sex.  I usually got bored with the relationship as soon as it became physical.  But, Hubby was different.  I had an insatiable appetite for him.  Then, we started having kids.
When I was pregnant with Disorder, I was an insatiable kinky whore.  Looking back, I don’t know who the hell that person was!  It must have been some monumental hormone blast I got from being pregnant in my late 30′s?  I don’t know.  But nothing was off-limits. Needless to say, hubby enjoyed that pregnancy.   I didn’t.  Between the hot crazy kinky sex, I was completely depressed, sick, and feeling miserable.  After, Disorder was born, I was looking forward to getting my body back and feeling normal again.  I have had repeat c-sections, so recovery takes awhile.
Six months later, I was pregnant with Zest.  However, this time, the kinkfest was over, and I became just a depressed, chronically painful, mess.  Once Zest was born, I thought it would take about 6 months to feel okay again.  But I never quite got back that insatiable appetite I had before pregnancy.  I suppose that’s somewhat normal.
Then, unexpectedly, after one time of getting too caught up in the moment, we conceived Whoa.  My pregnancy with Whoa was better than the others.  I was more active, my weight stayed somewhat stable, and I started taking anti-depressants, which helped immensely.
So now, Whoa is 5 months old.  I starved my poor Hubby in the sex department for a long while.  He’s really been a saint when it comes to his patience.  I decided that I was making too big of a deal out of trying to have an encounter with him.  We simply do not have the luxury nor the time to have a full course session.  I certainly don’t have the attention span.
So, I decided to quit worrying about the full course, and to attempt to stick to the wham bam thank you ma’am.  Our society frowns upon such things, and there’s all this pressure for a man to deliver a full course.  Plus, I think he likes to deliver the full course.  However, I can’t relax enough to feel like I can enjoy such a full meal nowadays.  There’s always a baby monitor on, a preschooler fight, and kids in the other room.  Getting time alone is just a pain in the ass, and I worry about the kids if they’re with anyone else.
So, the quickie has now become a regular part of our bedroom.  I love it.  It’s hot.  It feels good.  It’s practical.  He’s happy.  I’m happy.  Yeah, I’m not left in a puddle of perspiration and exhaustion totally spent, but I don’t have time for that anyhow.  We each give and get a little affection, and a few minutes to ourselves, for ourselves.  We have very little time and energy for our marriage, and I think that this is a little tidbit of dedicated sharing that will help bridge some of the gaps created by the kids.
So, sex has certainly been redefined.  The quickie is good for me, good for him, good for our marriage, and good for my ADHD.
Practical,

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Our ADHD Story is a place where people can share their stories, thoughts, and feelings about ADHD. Get past the generic list of symptoms and see how it is affecting people in real life through personal stories. We are not here to inform you, we are here to engage you.