Search This Blog

Sunday, April 27, 2014

ADHD: Awesome Car Without Brakes

I am on the road driving and the car is going fast. It is exhilarating and exciting. I start to worry that I might get in trouble so I try to slow down. I realize my breaks are not working and the car only gets faster and faster. I am trying to dodge all of the cars on the busy road filled with people. I can’t make the car stop and I have no idea what I am going to do. Everything is coming at me quickly and all I can do is try to dodge the disasters waiting to happen. How long can I keep this up? I am scared and my anxiety is through the roof. I don’t know what to do…

This is a dream I have had for years and every time I have it I wake up scared and stressed. It feels real and I have to work to calm myself down. Maybe this is why I do not like driving. There are two other versions of this dream. One where I am in the middle of the road with lights coming at me and I can’t feel my legs to move and get out of the way.

The third dream started when I had children. I am letting them drive the car and they cannot control it. They go to fast, crash, or violate a traffic law that makes the cops come to pull us over. I know I am in trouble and try to trade spots with my child before the cop sees who was driving.

I have heard ADHD can feel like a fast car without proper breaks and that is exactly what my dream reminds me of. My life is a fast car with so much to avoid and so much to focus on that it feels out of my control. How do I keep up? How can I make sure to never crash and never fail and when I do fail who will be hurt? Who will be in my car or in the car I can’t miss?

Something is coming at me and I know it is coming but I can’t move out of the way even knowing what to expect. Lastly when will I get in trouble for not taking enough control and letting my kids get away with too much because of my lack of organization. I don’t want anyone to find out that I am not taking control of my life as much as I should be.

I am a brilliant fast car but without the right breaks I am going nowhere fast.

No comments:

Post a Comment

About Me

My photo

Our ADHD Story is a place where people can share their stories, thoughts, and feelings about ADHD. Get past the generic list of symptoms and see how it is affecting people in real life through personal stories. We are not here to inform you, we are here to engage you.