I Feel Like a Horrible Parent

 I have a 7 year old that was diagnosed with ADHD when she was 5, and is currently on 1mg Intuniv. I also have a 2 yr old who has some dev delay and in the process of trying to figure out what is wrong with him, I am not sure if it is related to the ADHD or if there is another issue going on. My 7 yr old has issues that I am unsure of how to handle.

She has this attitude that everything is hers and is we deny it then she becomes extremely angry. If I buy her brother something, she automatically takes it from him and gets angry if he tries to play with it. My kids don't get anything and everything they want, but do not go without. If her brother tries to play with her or wants to join in on what she has going on or watching she gets angry and violent with him. Many times he will come out of her room crying, when asked what happen she will tell us she doesn't know. There has been times where I have witnessed her pushing or hitting her brother and when punished she will cry hysterically claiming she didn't do it. If I try to scold her or correct her, even in the slightest, she will completely shut down and hide in a corner, crying that no one loves her and she is always left out, and we love her brother more than her. (this happens even if she is not in trouble, such as I answered her different than what she wanted). She has the hardest time making friends, she wants them so bad but doesn't seem to know how to be a friend. She is the bully usually, granted she is going into second grade and her actions have not gotten to that point, but I am afraid in time she will be. On top of the anger and possessiveness, she steals food from the kitchen when we are not looking. Throughout the night she's has been known to take 3-5 sodas, an entire box of ice cream pops, a pack of gum and a bag of cereal. We find the evidence under her bed. She is probably one of the sneakiest and most manipulative children I know, and I am at a loss of how to fix it.

We have tried the time out, taking away toys and spanking. Nothing seems to work.. Instead she will "stalk us", sneak out of her room inch by inch with these scary eyes she makes. I am afraid of her hurting her brother or this behaviors getting worse and getting herself into some serious trouble down the road. She makes me feel like a horrible parent because I don't know what to do.

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