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Wednesday, June 25, 2014

In The Middle

I throw my hands up and trying to embrace it... While I see some have it all together, and I see some define their child as their diagnoses, and I'm in the middle... (I am not judging just stating what I have seen sorry in advance ) My son who happens to have Adhd, visual SPD,and possible Tourette's, and I feel such guilt for him, I know I wasn't doing everything to help him, in he beginning we just needed a "quick" fix for school(though they said they would teach even if we didn't med him) but he was drowning, he wasn't happy, we weren't happy! Now we are switching it up and going med free, and he goes for a blood test on the 16th so we can start a new journey from there of eliminating or adding things.

Okay I'm getting of course...our daughter who is almost 12 doesn't have a Dx and he sees her hanging out with friends and walking to the pool(which we go but he always supervised always a life jacket, and seems socially out of place) I look at him and think why, why him, why these kids and why this... I know ADHD is something he can not control but it is the LEAST socially acceptable diagnoses and to many doesn't exists! And they don't see what I see, they see a little boy who doesn't listen, who is all over the place, that says very inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times or places, but what I see is a little boy trying to fit in a world that won't accept him, but he accepts it, I see a little boy who is THE funniest thing next to Larry the cable guy(lol), and then I see a little boy alone in his room crying because there isn't anyone to play with, there isn't anyone to call, and there lives the guilt, of not knowing what to do, wishing he didn't feel the wrath of society and wishing he didn't feel aware of it... This boy is the sun and the moon, he is what pure joy is, and I wish he could feel that! Sorry, I'm a little emotional today, though we are having a great day, just thinking outloud...

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